There are many things I have learned from the scales in my life. They came in all shapes and sizes-these scales. Some were small, white and electronic. Some were large, cold and weighted. No matter what face they try to put on, my verdict remains the same: Mr. Scale and I are separating.
Below I have listed my grievances, in no particular order. Be advised, if Mr. Scale comes knocking on your door, do not let him in. He is only looking for a new home since he has wrecked his former one. And don’t think he’s “changed” either. He hasn’t. He can’t. Unless he goes into some major intensive therapy (which I doubt he will), Mr. Scale will always be the same harsh, abusive hunk of metal you will ever lay eyes on.
I, Alexis, hereby state that I am no longer associated in any way to the aforementioned Mr. Scale. Due to his abuse and outright disrespect, Mr. Scale and I cannot, under any circumstances, make up. The relationship we once had is through, and it would be best for both parties to move on with their lives. The following lies should be enough evidence to Mr. Scale’s corrupt nature.
In the Words of Sir Scale (aka the idol in your bathroom)
- Your weight is a reflection of your character. If your weight goes up at any given time, you are a worthless woman who doesn’t deserve to walk the face of the earth. Worth equates to discipline, and discipline does not ever lead to weight gain.
- There is a magic number that will satisfy you. Just keep working to see that number, and your life will be complete.
- What goes in shows up on me.
- The mirror gives you a preview to what I am about to show you. Always trust the mirror; it is always right.
- If the number gets low enough, I will recognize your worth and proclaim your greatness. But since you have never reached this number, you are pretty much worthless.
- Beauty can only be found in the number I give you.
- Nothing in your life is more important than me. Bow down to me, and I promise to give you all you have ever dreamed.
- Follow my rules and you will make the cut. Don’t follow my rules and-well-you know where you stand.
- Lastly, always remember that I am with you every moment of everyday. I will keep those numbers in your mind until you can think about nothing else. Total concentration on me will win you the life you so desperately desire.
As you can see, Mr. Scale has no business in my life. As the jury, I beg you to consider the evidence presented and outlaw him to his rightful place: the trash. Look at it as a favor to society.