Day Thirty-Seven: Be Broken

Let’s get real for a moment. Let’s get raw. There is something heavy on my heart today, and God is not going to let me ignore it. 

There is a big, white elephant in the room from my computer to yours that needs to be exposed. It goes by the name of Broken.

But we’ll get to that in a moment. Right now I want to bare my thoughts to you. Right now I want to let you know that I’m just like you. I’m broken. I doubt. I worry. I lose my temper. And I compare. 

Oh- do I compare. 

I am not the perfect pin-up “True Beauty” girl. Not even close. I have my share of insecurities. I have my doubts about who God is and what He can do. I, too, live under beauty’s afflicting gaze. 

I am, after all, human. 

One of my constant struggles is the beauty factor. I am thankful-oh so thankful-that I no longer struggle with my eating disorder. I am thankful that God has done  some lengthy and deep work on my thought processes. I am thankful for the revelation I’ve already been given. 

But the beauty.

That is where my brokenness lies. That is where my pain remains. Talk about your struggling with wanting to be beautiful, and my tears will involuntary well up with yours. 

Girl, I’m so right there with you. 

Beauty is where all my desires gather. It’s one word, but it means so much. It’s my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my joys, my peace…and my insecurities. Beauty is the most freeing thing in my life, and beauty is the most devastating thing in my life. 

Beauty is my burden. 

I have met people who dismiss the importance of beauty in my life, saying I shouldn’t worry about something so trivial and “ungodly”. And maybe they’re right. Ok- I know they are right. I typically don’t let beauty have a hold anymore. I like to say that I am free from that shackle. 

But the beauty.

Beauty is my brokenness. Every issue I have tends to go back to it. It is the burden I carry with me everyday. I pack the bag in the morning, throw it in the car, take it to work, take it home, and repeat the process again when the sun rises. It’s the weight that drags me down, and it’s the reason I run to Him. 

I didn’t always take my bag to God. I didn’t trust Him with it. After all, He was the one who made me this way. He was the one who inflicted me with these circumstances. Why should I give it to Him when He could step in and make it all better? Why should I run to someone who just doesn’t care

I was one broken, worn-out, hopeless girl. 

But the cross.

The cross is where it all changes. The cross is where the brokenness can lie bare, exposing the harsh realities of doubt and pain. The cross is where the broken get made whole. 

I wonder, do we really know the power of the cross? Do we really know?

On the cross, Jesus held your brokenness. Not just your sin- your brokenness. Imagine, for a moment, the thing that causes you the most pain. The unbearable. The unmentionable. The inconceivable. 

Now picture Jesus. Sweet, precious, sin-less Jesus, carrying the cross. Picture the nails piercing His skin. Picture the thorns pressing in on Him. Picture the physical pain of hanging on that cross. 

That physical pain was nothing in comparison with what’s to come. 

On the cross, Jesus held not only your sins…He also held your burdens, your brokenness. The thing that broke your heart didn’t just break yours…it broke His. Imagine your pain times every person who has ever lived on this earth. Now imagine that weight on Jesus. 

He took your pain. He was broken so you could be made whole. He felt the crush so you could feel the freedom. He was burdened so you could live. 

But the cross.

God doesn’t expect you to ignore that pain. He doesn’t intend for you to pretend not to be broken. He wants you to come to Him, broken and doubtful, angry and burdened. He wants you to come to Him with the broken pieces so you can be put back together again. And when you become broken once more, He wants you to come back. 

Come back broken. Come back battered. Come back bound. 

He knows where you are coming from. He’s felt the pain- your pain. He knows it hurts more than words can express. 

But He’s overcome.

And He’s holding out His hands so your broken pieces can fit back together into the big, beautiful picture of what it means to be loved. 

*I pray that God meets you in your brokenness today. The challenge is to turn to Him, broken and grieving. We all come with different burdens. Some of us have experienced unimaginable loss. Some of us struggle with that one thing. Some of us are just beaten down, heartbroken, and worn out. Whatever your “broken” is today, I pray that God will transform it into something beautiful. Something new. Something lasting. Something whole. A beautiful woman is not one who has it all together; a beautiful woman is one who says “Yes, I’m broken. But the cross.” Be broken today and experience the true power of the cross.*

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