I haven’t exercised on a consecutive basis for weeks.
Usually that would ruin me. When the realization would hit me, I would drop everything to go to the gym for as long as I could handle. Or I would “compensate” by drastically cutting back on what I ate. Or I would sit and complain about how “ugly” and “fat” I am.
And then tell everyone I know to buy me a cat because I am destined to be an old maid.
Today is different, though. Today as I sit and think about my so-called “unhealthy” habits, I am not fazed. In fact, I would go so far as to say I don’t really care. I may not have the perfect sculpted body. I may not be teetering on the edge between a low number and a high place. I may not win the prize for “Most Beautiful”. I may have even gained a pound or two.
None of that fazes me.
My body is just that: a body. The number on the scale is just that: a number. Rigid rules are just that: rigid rules.
And I’m tired of living under so many rules.
Never before have I been able to just brush off my imperfections. A skipped workout used to ruin my mood for the day. The thought of an extra pound gained threw me into a frenzy. An unflattering picture or image in the mirror led me to my eating disorder every time.
Things are different now.
The thought of a few extra pounds doesn’t panic me. I can start working out whenever I want (preferably when I have the time, which is not now). I don’t have to put the important things on hold to combat the so-called imperfections of my body. I am free to live my life without worrying about the long list of rules I have to follow to be “healthy” and “perfect”. If the people in my life can’t love me the way I am today, then they never really loved me at all.
They do love me, though. Whatever the number on the scale says. Whether or not I have on make-up. If I work-out or not.
They have always loved me… I haven’t.
Today I know what it means to be beautiful. Beauty is freedom. Freedom to eat the dessert you tell yourself you can’t eat. Freedom to look at the scale and not care what it says. Freedom to look in the mirror and smile because nothing it reflects can change your mood.
Beauty is freedom what lives moment-by-moment unfazed by the rules of the past.
Embrace your freedom today. Don’t be controlled by the rules. Challenge yourself to be okay with being who you are today.
I promise, freedom is so much better.
Verse: “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1)