Sometimes It Has to Break

If you asked me a year ago where I would be today, I would never in a million years have told you Colorado. And I would definitely not have told you that I would be part of a team helping to start a church.

If I told you that, you would have laughed because the idea was so ridiculous.

In fact, it is still so ridiculous that I bet God is getting a good laugh out of it.

Here’s the truth: When I first heard about The Pursuit Church, I was excited about all God was getting ready to do in Colorado. I imagined atheists coming to know the truth and drug addicts being set free from their addictions. I imagined total transformation of a city and sold-out devotion to God.

Oh yes, I expected God to work in the city. I did not, however, expect Him to work in me.

I joined this adventure blatantly unaware of the massive earthquake God was going to release on the grounds of my life. I came with the idea that ministry was me doing my best for God and serving the people around me; however, God showed me (fairly quickly) that ministry is letting God break you down to the point where you can actually be used. True ministry is letting go of all church formulas and letting God lead and guide your life in order for HIM to impact the people around you.

If I had known what real ministry is, I probably would not have listened to God telling me to go.

My “yes” to His “go” has resulted in the destruction of every crutch in my life. The crutch of my eating disorder was destroyed the moment I realized that my life was tied more to my addiction than to God. My family remained thousands of miles away and could no longer be the all-encompassing support I needed. My paycheck, lifestyle, and perfectly decorated bedroom did not follow me on the move, resulting in the loss of yet another crutch.

It wasn’t until I broke down crying three days in a row that I realized I am not good at being crutch-less.

Not. At. All.

Yet crutch-less is exactly where God wants me to be.

It’s only when I am stripped down to nothing that God can work in- and thru- my life. It’s only when I am completely and utterly dependent upon Him that He can use me (in spite of my many weaknesses). I don’t have to be perfect to be used by God; I just have to be broken. I take comfort though because I know that He will use this stormy season in my life to put the pieces back together again.

And this time, the end result will look much more beautiful than the beginning piece.

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4 thoughts on “Sometimes It Has to Break

  1. Thank you for your post, such a encouraging!! It is so true as the scripture tells us “God has chosen the foolish things of this world to put to shame the wise, and ..”
    I love your statement “I don’t have to be perfect to be used by God; I just have to be broken. “. I wholeheartedly agree with you. God can make a lot with a little!
    God bless you!

  2. These words really blessed me today. Have been struggling with much the same thing myself (being crutch-less), so thanks for reminding me that I am not alone and that God can use me so much better when I am surrendered and broken than when I am “perfect.”

  3. Hi Alexis,
    You’re not alone at all. It’s easy to look at life through human eyes I think that all we’ve been working at has been pointless. But God showed me that the way things look on the surface it not how we should judge the situation; we should look at it in terms of all things working for the good to them that love God, to them that are called according to his purpose, and in terms of the God’s unchanging counsel. A flower can only bloom once things on the inside are ready, then it opens up and shows all the beauty it’s been cultivating. I’m sure you’ve touched a lot more hearts than you can see from where you’re standing, because trust me, I have been so inspired by your blogs and have been inspired to tell others about them…and in the mean time God is perfecting you. Continue to look at things from God’s perspective: in his eyes the victories have already been won. Be encouraged. You really have encouraged me 🙂

  4. Great blog entry Alexis. The older I get the more I realized how messed up I am and how much I need God’s grace and forgiveness. He’s now my only crutch in life although He still regularly reveals sin (regularly). When He does, I do my best to rid myself of it and run back into His arms.

    We’re so blessed to have you on our team!

    Ephesians 3:20,
    Alan Reed
    Lead Pastor
    The Pursuit Church

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