I am sitting here in my pj’s at 9 AM…and I am a little overwhelmed by life at the moment.
It’s not that I don’t love my life (I do), it’s just that sometimes life can get a little messy. Sometimes the rain falls a little too hard and causes minor flooding. Sometimes the dirt sticks where it’s not supposed to go. Sometimes the wind wrecks what had once been perfectly upright and secure. Sometimes perfection gets traded in for reality, and you just have to live with it.
I am not really good at just living.
Getting by? Yes. Going through the motions? Pro. Ignoring the trouble long enough to make it through the day? Perfect. But actually living? Not so much… because actually living means I have to look at the mess long enough to accept it. Living means being aware of the troubles in life and finding a way to deal with them in a healthy way. Living means not letting the mess pile up until it becomes too overwhelming to even look at anymore.
Not living looks a lot like the state of my car at the moment.
Now, before I go into this story, let me preface you with the fact that I am a clean person. Really, I am. You just can’t tell that by the state of my car.
To put it simply- my car is an absolute mess. I’m pretty sure it hasn’t been washed since August. I’m also pretty sure it hasn’t been vacuumed out since before then. There is trash under the seats, and crumbs have taken up residence in every nook and cranny. There are stacks of papers that have been shuffled from the front seat to the back, Starbucks cups that really need to go in the trash, and questionable objects that I am really not sure how they ended up there.
So really- it is one HUGE mess… therefore, I don’t really let people ride in my car. Not that I would straight-up say no to them; I just never offer. No need to gross them out with my mess that gets ignored 99.9% of the time. Right?
Which brings me to the main problem: I forget that the mess is there. I honestly don’t think about the piles until someone steps near my car… and then the defenses go up. Alexis pretty much goes into freak out mode at this point. Suddenly the invisible mess becomes very real (and very big), and I do everything I can to prevent anyone from seeing the black hole that is my car.
It’s really not unlike my life.
It’s easy to ignore the mess in my own life until somebody else comes along and gets a glimpse of it. Then I spend insane amounts of time trying to hide it instead of trying to clean it up. Only hiding it pushes it under my radar once again, and when the threat is gone, I go back to simply getting by with my life.
It’s a ridiculous cycle.
Last night I was thinking about my tendency of pushing things under the rug and realized something new: hiding the mess doesn’t make it go away; it only makes it more likely to grow into an even bigger pile. It incubates it.
Want to know one of the reasons I absolutely love the man Jesus was (and is)? He was never afraid of the mess, and He was never tricked into believing that the mess was never there. He always called out the mess- always. The difference between Him and some, though, was His tendency to get down in the mess with someone and pull them out.
Jesus isn’t afraid of the mess, and that is something I am continually having to learn. Just because I don’t tell Him about the mess doesn’t mean He doesn’t know about it. It doesn’t mean that He’s not sitting in it beside me. It just means that I am ignoring His presence in pretty much the most rotten place of my life.
That’s why I love Jesus… because even when I try my hardest to ignore Him, He always stays by my side.
Even when life gets just a little bit messy.